So about the time you are reading this column, I will be laying on a cold hard slab in a very confined space.
Why?
Because apparently three and a half weeks of daily headaches is not a good thing, so I need to have a CAT scan to "see if anything is in there." (I'll give you a moment to get the punch lines out of your system.)
Dr. Byron Morales at Wyandot Memorial Hospital has been my doctor for the better part of a decade now and there's a lot of things that make him a great doctor.
For one, he's very thorough. He'll ask you a ton of questions like "Have you been under a lot of stress?"' Or "Are you doing anything active or are you just being sedentary?" Or "Who should I pick up now that Jamaal Charles is done for the year?"
Well, he asked two of those three anyway.
I'm not under any more stress than normal.
I do my best work sedentary.
As for whom to pick up for Charles, the Chiefs will tell you there are four options. According to KCchiefs.com, the team will use a four-headed attack: Thomas Jones, Dexter McCluster, Le'Ron McClain and Jackie Battle.
There are two I like better than others in the group: Jones and McCluster, and for different reasons.
While he seems like he's been around since Earnest Byner's rookie year, Jones is just nine months removed from a 1,018-yard, six-touchdown season for the Chiefs and that's while Charles was tearing it up. In 2009, Jones racked up more than 1,400 yards and 14 touchdowns for the Jets. I don't think Jones is quite yet out of gas.
McCluster is the sexy back of the bunch. But he's far from Justin Timberlake, measuring just 5-8, 170 pounds. So don't expect to see McCluster get a lot of rushing attempts. But like Timberlake's dance moves, the guy is smooth on the field and hard to catch. He's had just 12 carries this season in two games, rolling up 93 yards. He's also made nine grabs for 23 yards. He's not built to take a pounding like a 20-carry-a-game running back will. Why I like him, though, is in some leagues, he's listed as either a WR or a WR/RB split and if you don't have a flex position, he could put up big time total yardage from the WR position.
Another one of Dr. Morales' trademarks is that he likes to draw pictures of what is ailing you. I think somewhere in there is a starving artist. But inevitably, he will sketch out the body part that is causing the issues and show you what's going on.
When I was in there, I should have asked him to sketch out the Redskins running back situation for me.
In typical Mike Shanahan fashion (I'm convinced he hates fantasy football), he managed to throw doubt into a slew of Tim Hightower owners.
It's not that Hightower was bad. On the contrary, in the first two weeks, he's rolled up 168 yards on 45 carries, including 20 for 96 last week.
But rookie Roy Helu also got 10 carries for 74 yards and another three catches for 38 yards. On top of that, he was in for the final game-winning series for the Redskins.
At this point, Helu has to be owned. Mike's son Kyle, the offensive coordinator, said that he gave Hightower too many carries and the only reason Helu was in for the final series was because Hightower was tired. Either way, it's pointing to a RB-by-committee and if the 67-34 percent split continues, Helu could be a good bye week starter when one of your studs is out.
Another reason Dr. Morales is a great doctor is that he's honest, even if it's subtle. Like when he tells me I'm 12 pounds heavier than I was a year ago when I was in his office. To which I responded I'm down eight pounds from the first of the year. He followed that up with that if I lost about 50 pounds, most of my ailments would go likely go away.
The same could be said of some of your rosters at this point already.
Depending on how deep your bench is and how early you drafted, many of you probably are wondering if it's time to get on the treadmill to cut the dead weight or continue to eat half a pizza for dinner and hope that one day a study is going to come out and tell you that it's healthy to eat like that.
In a non-keeper league, there are two QBs I'd be OK with looking elsewhere. I touched on Peyton Manning last week, where I said I would cut him if I needed the space.
The other is Cory-Rawson's pride and joy, Ben Roethlisberger. My concern lies in the fact his offensive line is absolutely wretched this year and he's been sacked six times in just two games. He's thrown three interceptions and had two fumbles. Would I cut him? No. But I would trade him and try to get some help elsewhere on your team, particularly if a guy like Ryan Fitzpatrick is still on the waiver wire. I also like Matt Hasselback and Rex Grossman as guys who are already producing at a higher level.
So while Roethlisberger is not waivable at this point, I would try to flip him. He has a good track record of being a top 10 fantasy QB but I think that run ends this year as his previous offensive lines have been far better than this year's bunch.
Some fat at the running back position is Marshawn Lynch, who was held to 11 yards rushing on six carries last week and has only run for 44 yards this year. The other is Green Bay's Ryan Grant, who I believed coming into the year would keep his job, but has managed just 65 yards on 15 carries, despite being the "starter."
Grant's counterpart, James Starks, has been a beast, rushing for 142 yards on 21 carries over two games and his 6.8 yards per carry are second only to Michael Turner in the league.
Unfortunately for Lynch, he can only blame a bad team being around him, something he was used to from his days in Buffalo.
In their stead, consider Daniel Thomas, Helu, Starks or a guy like Delone Carter, who has produced in his limited number of touches for Indy this fall and the guy in front of him, Joseph Addai, hasn't shown the ability to stay healthy for a whole season in recent years.
Lynch has another teammate who should see the waiver wire: Mike Williams. His problem may have largely to do with the severe downgrade in quarterback Seattle went through this year with Tavaris Jackson taking the helm.
Jackson's former target Percy Harvin is another guy I'd look to move as the Vikings announced this year they will continue to limit his action. Last week, Harvin was in 57 of 118 offensive plays so far this year. His head coach Leslie Frazier said they are using Harvin the right amount, which is not great news if you are his owner. Harvin isn't a bastion of health either, so if you can get anything for him, I'd make the trade.
Everyone's favorite Twit, Chad Ochocinco, has not filled the Randy Moss role everyone expected him to in the New England offense. While Brady has liked to spread it around, apparently his butter does not butter Ochocinco's part of the bread. In fact, I like his replacement in Cincy, Jerome Simpson or A.J. Green, better.
Some other options that are eye-openers: David Nelson, who will take over the slot role in Buffalo from Roscoe Parrish, who went on IR this week; Eric Decker, who was considered a sleeper in the preseason, but has proven very awake in the first two weeks with Eddie Royal out; and Denarius Moore, who is taking advantage of playing time due to injuries and his coach Hue Jackson said he'll see even more time going forward.
Some fat the tight end position has comes from Marcedes Lewis, who was a touchdown machine last year but has proven lackluster this year. With the quarterback woes in Jacksonville, I'd consider a guy like Scott Chandler (three TDs already) or Fred Davis.
Dr. Morales played the patient-doctor confidentiality card when I asked him if Michael Vick would play this week after a concussion (he practiced Thursday) or when Steven Jackson, Arian Foster or Felix Jones would be back (I'd hold onto Cadillac Williams, Ben Tate and DeMarco Murray).
Before I left, Dr. Morales told me my blood pressure was getting a little high and I should monitor it every day for the next two weeks. He told me to measure it when I'm most relaxed. I may have to skip that Sunday. Fantasy football tends to be maddening.
Aaron Korte is the A-T's fantasy football writer.
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