What kind of bowling alley personality to you think you have?

Having been a league bowling member for some 40 years now, I always have maintained that you meet an extremely eclectic group of people at the lanes. Bowlers come in all shapes and sizes. Male or female, young or old – we all have our peculiarities and exactly what the prototypical bowler looks like is very hard to say. Seriously, bowlers all are a little weird except for you, me and the Quaker lady. That is a reference to a story in an old sociology textbook that I frequently use. See me, ask me. So when I ran across an article that talked about the different personalities of league bowlers, I was, to say the least, intrigued. I thought I would share with you the five types of bowling personalities and let you decide which (if any) would be an apt description of yourself. Here goes, and let me add that if you do not find yourself on this list, you will likely find someone that you know that fits each category. 1 Always Late Larry. This is the guy that forever is showing up at the last minute. Whether it’s for the first game or each succeeding one as the evening progresses, everybody has to wait on Larry. To make matters worse, he frequently shows up when shadow balls are over. He then mumbles something about life not being fair since he didn’t get to practice. You know this guy, don’t you. The worst thing about Larry is that despite the fact that he is always late, he comes out throwing strikes. At least he does when he is bowling against YOUR team! 2 Superstitious Sally. Now all of us have our little pre-shot routines that we follow religiously. All of us perhaps, except me. I never know what I’m going to do when I step on the approach. My routine is anything but “routine.” Sally, on the other hand, has one that is a little grating. She must re-tie her left shoe before taking one last sip of her drink and 30 other annoying other things before she can bowl – all because that worked – ONCE. She reminds you of Mike Hargrove before an at-bat. You remember him, do you not? His nickname was the Human Rain Delay. Sally is just like him and you want to yell at her to JUST THROW THE BALL! 3 The Social Butterfly. This is the bowler who knows everyone. From members of the opposing team to the entire bar staff, he can’t ignore anyone. He “flits” from one person to another and seldom is ready when it’s his turn to bowl. Frequently the PA system is used to page the guy, suggesting he return to his lane as everyone else is waiting. That reminds me of the time I was at an Ohio University football game. After watching the members of the Marching 110 put on a very enjoyable halftime show, the fans settled back in their seats. The teams lined up for the second half kickoff except one thing was missing – the officials. The PA announcer came to the rescue as he uttered the following: “Would the officials please report to the field for the game!” Wonder if any of them bowled. 4 The Social Media Savant. This is the bowler who spends all of his time between frames playing with his cell phone. Anything you want to know about any topic he’ll find it for you in a matter of minutes. This guy is a relative newcomer to the bowling scene. In fact I can remember a time before cell phones existed. If someone wanted to reach you, they called the bowling alley. The man behind the desk would then page you, telling everyone that you had a phone call. Frequently it was your better half, telling you to stop and get milk before coming home. Sometimes it was more serious, but either way you had some explaining to do. Now the whole world is at your fingertips – that is assuming you can use all the apps on your phone! 5 – Clutch Carl. This is the guy found in every league who you just know is going to perform in the 10th frame. It is most likely the opponent’s anchor bowler; who probably will double, forcing you to do something good to beat him. Now I anchor my team and though the word “clutch” is seldom used to describe my bowling ability, I did have a “Carl” moment this past week. Down by 50 pins after my opponent converted a split in the 10th frame, I am working on a double. I throw the first strike, albeit a Brooklyn, and watch as my opponent gets nine on his fill ball. Two more strikes and my team will win by a single pin. I bury the 11th ball – one to go. I throw the last ball and once again it crosses over, but carries and Clutch Carl has just given his team the victory. I immediately go to the opposing team and apologize for the sloppy strikes. They were very complimentary, suggesting that they had their share of Brooklyn’s as well. They were very sincere, but I’m sure a couple of them were thinking that I was a lucky duck. Hey, I think I have just found my bowling personality! Here’s this week’s list of clutch performers – or were they a bit lucky Sportsman: Chris Johnson 719, Rich Yates, Jr. 674, Jim Mason 644, Rustan Burks 613 and Dick Gabel 608. 55 Plus: Jim Ruess 593, Bob Reinhart 529, John Ferstler 497, Dick Gabel 485, Rick Hanna 460, Jim Donaldson 411 and Paul Fey 373. Imperial-Majorette: Steve Steinmetz Jr. 683, Ben Hoyda 617, Tracy Gerber 586, Mary Ruggiero 478, Deb Nominee 464 and Linda Brookes 462. Alley Cats: Robin Dickman 514, Kathy Breidenbach 509, Lorie Williams 491, Jan Houk 482 and Diane Hoover 480. Lady Knights: Carol Burmeister 461, Linda Kimmet 459, Madonna Gase 437, Tammy Schalk 414 and Deb Hoerig 398. Senior: Bennett Paulus 639, Joe Zirger 554, John Arend 537, Denny Reamer 525, Scott Kromer 507, Mike Reser 505 and Doug Snyder 503. Twilight: Tom Tiell 627, Ed Conrad 594, Steve Peer 573, Rhonda Fitch 567 and Robin Brownell 397. Al Stephenson is The A-T bowling columnist. Read his blog at: www.advertiser-tribune.com